1.) We want to have a baby and now we have one. One of the reasons why Ramil and I got married a bit early (we both just turned 24 when we tied the knot) than what we originally planned for is a baby. No, it’s not because I was pregnant but because we wanted to get pregnant earlier than scheduled also. I found out I have PCOS (I have a polycystic left ovary) more than a year before we got married. Ramil keeps on reminding me of this the past few days. He would refresh my memory during the wee hours of the morning and Mateo is being extra fussy, times when I would question why the hell we decided to have a baby. Sometimes taking care of a baby is so difficult I find myself losing patience more than usual. It’s so much easier when Ramil is around, he always finds something for me to smile about or to laugh about. Even when it’s the middle of the night and our bed is all messed up with weewee and poopoo (I always choose to change Mateo on our bed and we always forget about the armed and dangerous little birdie). Don’t get me wrong, my heart melts everytime I look at Mateo’s peaceful face, everytime he looks quietly at me, everytime he makes energetic movements with his arms and legs, everytime he shares another one of his facial expressions, but sometimes everything seems too much that the thought of giving up crosses my mind more than once.
Reminder to self: Look beyond the baby duties. He is MY baby.
2. Being on our own is our choice. We have gotten numerous unsolicited advices from people around us that doing everything on our own would be difficult. Well, they could say that again! Now that Ramil is going to work again, I sometimes feel trapped in our situation. I told Ramil the other night that it would be nice to have someone do the household chores for us. I find myself stressing about chores I wasn’t able to do whenever Mateo is taking up too much of my time. I need to tell myself that this is our choice, we didn’t want a helper with us because it’s so difficult to find a good one and the house we’re renting right now is just enough for us. We don’t really feel comfortable sharing our life with someone we don’t trust yet right now.
Reminder to self: To hell with the chores. No one is going to complain if I don’t do them (except me, hehe).
3. Staying home is my choice. Sometimes I find myself mourning over the ‘old me’. The one that has work, the one that gets to go out of the house everyday, the one that does a lot of things aside from being a mommy, the one who gets to do anything anytime. I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom but now that I am, I find myself missing things that belong to a working one. Before I gave birth, I looked forward to days when I would stay at home the whole day with our bundle of joy. My reasons for wanting to stay home are still there, I just have to learn to focus on them.
Reminder to self: Staying home beats deadlines, traffic, work stress, ratty kids, etc.
4. I will go back to my old self. In terms of my weight and size, that is. Thank goodness I’m losing weight really fast. Just needs to work on the tummy. Pretty soon, I should be able to fit into my old jeans.
Reminder to self: Exercise!
Things are going to get better I just know it.
ei mommy andrea, i know how you feel. i can totally relate to your post. when dwyn was a newborn till he’s a month or two, i always had to change our bedsheet coz of the wee and the poop. everytime, i change his diaper, saka siya umiihi o nagpupu. but eventually, he’s outgrown that. and yeah, hirap talaga to take care of a baby. it really tests your patience, as in! dadating at dadating talaga yung time na parang mauubos pasensya mo sa hirap magalaga. kakapagod din kasi talaga. when you want to sleep, you can’t coz the baby is awake during the wee hours of the morning. it’ll take months before makatulog ng diretso si mateo at night. and yeah, to hell with household chores. ako nga di ko malinis bahay namin kasi pag iniwanan ko si dwyn sa crib nagwawala eh. saka yeah, medyo limited na din things you can do if you choose to be a full time mom. ako, i always say i can’t go due to baby constraints coz di ko puwede isama si dwyn basta-basta kahit saan. hay. sobrang nakakamiss din talaga when you’re so free to do anything you want. i know how that feels. plus the fact na we can blame it to our raging post pregnancy hormones, ibat ibang emotions talaga. and pag breastfeeding mom talaga bilis talaga pumayat, no sweat pa. ako parang at my thinnest form pa ako ngayon, ever. basta mommy andrea, kayang-kaya mo. pero alam mo, habang tumatagal namimiss ko na din agad yung mga early months ni dwyn. girl, babies can grow so fast na parang it’s hard to capture everything. kaya, enjoy mo lang si mateo habang ganyan pa siya kababy. naku pag nagkocrawl na yan and he’s everywhere your house, hay mamimiss mo yung time na hindi pa siya malikot. hehe.
sobrang haba ng comment ko no! hehe.
hi ann! thanks for sharing your baby duty experiences
it’s so much easier to know na a lot of mommies are in the same boat & we could all gripe together. hehe!