Monthly Archives: March 2007

teacher mama

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"You don't have kids yet, right? That's why you cannot understand what we're feeling."

This is what a parent said to me when they went to school to talk to me. Their grade four son had a broken right arm and I asked him try writing his answers to an exercise using his left hand. He didn't complain but his parents did. Looking back, I still don't regret what I did. Even now that I have a kid already.

This incident has made me wonder then about the kind of parent I would be. As teachers, we've come across different kinds of parents. Some have gained my admiration more than others. Others, sadly, simply view the teachers not as partners in their child's education but as an adversary. I've never really treated my students as if they are my own children. Simply because I haven't had one, the parent is right – I didn't know what it feels like to have a kid. But they were mine, my responsibilities. I related to them by thinking how it was for me when I was their age. I tried getting their confidences by being one of them. If I indeed do part-time teaching this coming schoolyear, it makes me wonder whether my new status as a mother would change my teaching style. I guess the only way to find out is to try it out.

the joy of breastfeeding

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Mateo has been 80% breastfed since three weeks ago when I stopped pumping. Since I wasn't feeding him breastmilk from the bottle anymore, I was forced to feed him directly more often. It turned out to be the best thing that happened to our breastfeeding situation.

During that week, Mateo would consume 12 ounces of formula in a 24-hour period and the rest would be from me. Whenever he is hungry I would try breastfeeding him first. There were times when he would refuse my breast and would eagerly accept the bottle. I never thought the feeling of 'rejection' would be real for me. I came close to crying a lot of times. I know it was stupid but I took it personally, I couldn't help it. Sometimes there would be a battle of wills: me trying desperately to breastfeed Mateo, Mateo absolutely refusing my breast, me letting him cry it out, and finally after a few minutes of wailing, he would grudgingly feed from me. Most of the time though, he wins. I could only take so much of my baby's cries.We have successfully decreased Mateo's intake of formula since then. What used to be 12 ounces has been brought down to 8 ounces, sometimes less. Hurray to us! It is only now that I get to appreciate the whole experience of breastfeeding. I could almost preen and gloat whenever Mateo would fall asleep while feeding from me, so peaceful and content. The silent gloating would continue for as long as he's asleep. The longer he sleeps, the more silent gloating I do. Hehe! If some mothers experience some kind of 'battle' for the babies affection with the yaya, I imagine myself having my own battle with the can of formula milk. I am ecstatic to report that I am winning. And I am getting more than what I expected. I find myself drawn more and more to Mateo. I now firmly believe in the mother-child 'bond' that breastfeeding helps form. I feel an overflowing feeling of happiness whenever I bring Mateo to my breast. I love gazing at him while he feeds. Now I am even grateful I was stupid enough to lose my breastpump's white valve.During Mateo's first few weeks of life, I was depressed that I seem to be failing at something I was intent on doing. I settled for whatever breastmilk I could give him. I told myself just a few weeks is better than nothing. Well, the weeks turned to a month, a month turned to two, and now, I am gearing for at least 6 months of breastfeeding. Better if we could drag it out until Mateo turns one. I'm sure our baby's up to it because I definitely am.

a woman behind every man…

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Ramil and I have ended our movie hiatus last Saturday. After two years of not having stepped a foot inside a movie theater, we decided to celebrate our 15 months of married life by watching 300. I must say that we chose a worthy movie to watch.

I've heard and read a lot of raves about the movie, from the amazing Spartan soldiers to the fabulous digital effects. I agree with all of them. Beyond the gory and yet ballet-like fight scenes, I find it amusing that one of the strongest character in a movie raining with sculptured men in all their hard rock glory is a woman.

"Because only Spartan women gives birth to strong Spartan men". This was the response of the Spartan queen when the Persian messenger became so indignant with her joining the conversation. Before Leonidas pushed the messenger over the big 'pit', he looked at his wife and silently asked for her agreement. At the end of the movie, although was not present in the battlefield, the queen accomplished one of the biggest victories in the story – killing and exposing the traitor.

I am not a feminist but while the movie reeks of testosterone power, it presented women as having a strong place in a society such as those of the Spartans. Although the women were left at home to tend to housework and the children, their men acknowledge that their women are definitely not wimps. It's a wonderful kind of equality that does not require women to be as callous as men (hehe). It allows women to be strong and yet retain the natural tendency of most to be soft and gentle. A movie like this makes me feel great. Let's celebrate being strong women! ;)

daddy-o

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My husband's daddy instinct kicked in.

I have often wondered how Ramil would be as a daddy. Within a week of being one, he has already exceeded my expectations. Having grown up with very little presence of my papa, my idea of being a father is very limited. Time with my papa being lacking during my growing up years, it was what I required of Ramil. So far, he has given more than what I have asked for.

Although of course, my quickly acquired skills at baby duties are no match to his, he has shown more than an acceptable level at them. As early as now, Mateo knows and recognizes not only the mama but also the papa. If Mateo would sometimes make a smacking sound with his mouth whenever he sees me, as if saying milk, he would sometimes wave his arms wildly whenever he sees Ramil, as if saying carry me and rock me. Ramil has done his share of diaper changing, feeding, and trying to put Mateo to sleep. During our first few days of parenthood, when things were more than challenging because of all the adjustment and hormones, I've told him more than once that I am very happy and grateful to be doing this with him.

As early as now, I can see a father I would have loved to have and I know Mateo agrees with me.

a wife and a mother

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Right now, I am simply two things: a wife and a mother. I cannot even call myself a teacher because I am currently on maternity leave. My days these past few months has been all about struggling to be a decent mother to Mateo and a still-fumbling wife to Ramil.

A lot has changed ever since I left the world of singlehood. I have to admit that the changes in my life these past two years has made it difficult for me to relate to my life as a free person. My preoccupation before with the new restaurants to try out and new gadgets or clothes to buy, were replaced with musings on what to make for dinner and when to schedule the bathroom-cleaning, which were further replaced with anticipation for Mateo's smiles and antics. When Ramil and I were still single, mall sales would have us trooping to the clothing shops, shoes shops, sports apparel shops, etc. When we got married, we started visiting appliance and furniture shops during these mall sales. Finally, the sale at SM Fairview last weekend had us visiting the baby shops and baby section of the department store.Although I still find talking to single people, including young people like my students, very engaging, I now find myself having a lot to talk about with the older group of people. I am welcomed warmly by the 'motherhood' club – women who are only too happy to share their stories and tips on motherhood.It has been a roller-coaster ride for me somehow. Different worlds are being opened up to me. Right now, I may not have anything to myself except being a wife and a mother but that's all I want to be at the moment. Until the next challenge life has to offer.

who looks like who?

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Some babies immediately look like one parent right after delivery. With Mateo, we've been getting mixed opinions on who he looks like. Almost equal numbers of people say that he looks like Ramil or he looks like me or he looks like both of us. We decided to take pictures and see for ourselves.

Now, who do you think Mateo looks like? :)

first malling

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crying while mama & papa are having coffee

We took Mateo malling for the first time last Saturday night. We needed to pay some bills on our way to my parents' house so we decided to bring Mateo along. We used his new stroller and didn't give us too much problems, hehe! We pushed him around in the 3rd floor of the main building of SM North since there are usually fewer people walking in that area. He was very attracted to the lights and everything else he could set his eyes on. I think we're going to have more malling experience with him ;)

the teacher in me

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I miss my kids. I never thought I would put something like this on my blog but now I feel the urge to. After almost three months of not being able to teach and go to school, I find myself missing my life as a teacher.
There were times during my short stint as a teacher when I would fervently wish that I don't have to see them everyday. Hehe! Now, I realize that the decision to stay home is not going to be that easy. For one thing, I miss the work. Even though I had constant complains about it when I was still teaching, staying home is an altogether different story. I enjoyed it at first when I was waiting to give birth. Waking up late, watching TV anytime I want, being able to go online anytime I want, having the time to do chores (yes, given ample time I find them enjoyable), being able to relax and think. Nowadays though, I sometimes feel cooped up inside the house. Although I don't miss having to make activity sheets, lesson plans, and grades, I miss going to my classes.
For me, fulfillment in teaching is in the kids. Going inside a classroom and be greeted by boisterous chorus of 'Teacher Andrea' and knowing from their smiles that you're welcome, is enough boost to teach them for an hour and fifteen minutes. I almost regret being too preoccupied with my pregnancy that I wasn't able to savor my last few months of teaching. I'm still thinking of going back, it might not be so bad if I only do part-time and we get somebody to look after Mateo. Right now though, all I need to focus on is our baby. All the teaching I'm going to be doing in the next few months will be with Mateo. I miss my kids but I know teaching and being with Mateo will be more fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling.

priceless

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Mateo has been getting more generous with his smiles. I love how he loves to be talked to and shows it with open-mouthed, eyes-crinkled smiles. One of the ways that Ramil and I use to make him smile is to laugh. Laughing has elicited some of the best smiles from Mateo. For two people who love a good laugh, it's not surprising that our baby would love it also. I can't wait for him to laugh himself :)

death of a loved one

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Whenever someone you know died or someone you know lost a loved one, it usually makes you reflective of how you are showing your appreciation for the people around you. We've had several deaths in the family but the only death that made me really grieve for months was the death of our then 4-month-old golden retriever Eddy. I've lost my grandfather on my mother's side and my grandmother on my father's side but I was never really that close to them to feel that kind of grief that makes you cry uncontrollably. It's funny that my first real experience of grieving was over a puppy.
Eddy died of a sickness, Leptospirosis. When I got news of his death, I was having dinner in Fazoli's with Ramil and Jeng. The vet was the one who called me, my mama couldn't bring herself to tell me that he's dead already. I still remember the feeling of pain upon being told that he's already gone. I cried really loudly, not minding that other customers in the restaurant could hear me. My mind kept saying 'no, no'. It felt like losing somebody really close to me. Even though we bought the puppy for my papa, he was mine and he knows it too. He would eagerly approach me and almost go crazy trying to put his legs around my legs whenever I'd go home. I have never cuddled and treated a dog with so much love as I have Eddy. I grieved over him for months. I'd cry upon seeing other goldens which are a lot in HEdcen (the school I work for). Ramil had a hard time consoling me everytime I'd cry.
I consider myself lucky to have undergone this grieving process only once, not to mention that it was just a dog I lost not a person. I know it's inevitable that there will come a time when I would experience again this kind of pain over losing someone. Because of Eddy, the fear that one of those days might come soon is lodged solidly in my mind and heart. Life is indeed too short. For now, all I can do is enjoy each day given to me and to appreciate the people in my lives right now.