single motherhood
Posted on July 8, 2007
When I was still in the corporate world, my days would consist of a lot of chikahan with my then-officemates. During one of these chikahan with a male officemate, we got to talking about some people we know from high school specifically about a girl we both know. This girl got pregnant a few years back and has had several boyfriends since then.
Suddenly, a female officemate interrupted our conversation and asked what happened to the baby. My male officemate told her that the baby has been with the girl ever since. My female officemate commented "Kawawa naman talaga ang girls pag ganyan no?", referring to the girl's predicament with disdain clearly showing on her face. I sincerely doubt her kawawa statement and I can tell that just from listening in on our conversation, she has already passed judgment on this girl. I retorted by saying "Ba't sya kawawa, she gets to keep the baby!" She was taken aback, considered what I said and wisely chose to say nothing more.
This just goes to show the stigma that sometimes go with being a single mother. Although eyes and minds are more open now than years ago, there are still some people who look down on these women.
Let me give you another example, I know of a single mother who have been turned down for a job several times simply because she had a child out of wedlock. The fact that she is applying as a teacher in several schools (nope, she wasn't turned down by our school) makes the discrimination all the more maddening. What kind of values does this promote? It sends a deafening message that reeks of disrespect and injustice.
Now that I am a mother myself, I feel all the more indignant whenever I hear stories like these. Whatever the circumstances might have been for them to be single mothers, I will never look down on them but instead, look up to them.
Being a mother is hard enough, doing it on your own makes it all the more difficult. That these women can nurture their child even without the support of a partner is admirable. That they can give enough love, care, and affection as a mother and as a father is unbelievable. That they can bring up a healthy, well-rounded individual on their own is incredible.
Some people might think of their circumstances as a mistake. Some of them might have thought so too when they found out they are pregnant. I'm pretty sure though that none of them would think of it as a mistake everytime they look at the product of it. We shouldn't be judged nor defined by the choices that we make but by how we chose to live after making those choices.
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