single motherhood
Posted on July 8, 2007
When I was still in the corporate world, my days would consist of a lot of chikahan with my then-officemates. During one of these chikahan with a male officemate, we got to talking about some people we know from high school specifically about a girl we both know. This girl got pregnant a few years back and has had several boyfriends since then.
Suddenly, a female officemate interrupted our conversation and asked what happened to the baby. My male officemate told her that the baby has been with the girl ever since. My female officemate commented "Kawawa naman talaga ang girls pag ganyan no?", referring to the girl's predicament with disdain clearly showing on her face. I sincerely doubt her kawawa statement and I can tell that just from listening in on our conversation, she has already passed judgment on this girl. I retorted by saying "Ba't sya kawawa, she gets to keep the baby!" She was taken aback, considered what I said and wisely chose to say nothing more.
This just goes to show the stigma that sometimes go with being a single mother. Although eyes and minds are more open now than years ago, there are still some people who look down on these women.
Let me give you another example, I know of a single mother who have been turned down for a job several times simply because she had a child out of wedlock. The fact that she is applying as a teacher in several schools (nope, she wasn't turned down by our school) makes the discrimination all the more maddening. What kind of values does this promote? It sends a deafening message that reeks of disrespect and injustice.
Now that I am a mother myself, I feel all the more indignant whenever I hear stories like these. Whatever the circumstances might have been for them to be single mothers, I will never look down on them but instead, look up to them.
Being a mother is hard enough, doing it on your own makes it all the more difficult. That these women can nurture their child even without the support of a partner is admirable. That they can give enough love, care, and affection as a mother and as a father is unbelievable. That they can bring up a healthy, well-rounded individual on their own is incredible.
Some people might think of their circumstances as a mistake. Some of them might have thought so too when they found out they are pregnant. I'm pretty sure though that none of them would think of it as a mistake everytime they look at the product of it. We shouldn't be judged nor defined by the choices that we make but by how we chose to live after making those choices.
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very nice post as always!
I am a single mom, and though I know people talk behind my back, I haven’t really encountered someone who “looked down” on my status. I have always been frank about my situation, and I guess they just can’t find a way to let me down. Most married ladies here in the office even tell me I’m lucky not to have a “headache” (meaning a husband), hehe. But of course I still hope I can have a “normal” famiy set up. How? I have no idea, for now, I am happy with my life as a single mom.
Thanks for your understanding.
single moms are moms, too — whatever other people say. i admire them for sticking up for their child, no matter what.
I do admire the courage of single mothers out there who have raised their children alone, carrying the responsibilities that should be done by the man who have left them in their most crucial situation.
i was a single mom four years before i married my husband. i had my daughter when i was 18 and my ex broke up with me when jenna was just 3 months old. looking back at what my life has been since i had jenna, i can say that having her is the best thing that has ever happened in my life and it made me a better person in the process. i feel that being a single mother for awhile made me a better mother to gavin.
Yang ganyang mentality ang nakakinis madalas sa mga Pinoy - kawawa maging single mother, nakakahiya maging matandang dalaga, disaster maging hiwalay sa asawa… as though a woman can’t be happy and complete without a man.
I was a single mom too before I got married to the love of my life. It was very hard indeed. Although it is not uncommon to see single moms, it is as you say carry a certain stigma with it. As if we (**single moms) were the most pitiful beings in the world. Do you know that our laws are not kind to single moms? Not yet anyway… I learned that the hard way. Talk about how many times your kid will be called “illegitimate” in every form or whatnot. Hayy…
We shouldn’t be judged nor defined by the choices that we make but by how we chose to live after making those choices.
Very very true!!!
@joy - thanks!
@lisaflor - So true about not having a “headache” husband. If the choice were a lousy one and not having one, I’d prefer not having one anytime!
Better to be happy alone than stuck with someone if he’ll just make you miserable.
@raqgold - Ditto!
@mirandah - I admit that it’s only now that I get to fully comprehend how strong and admirable these single moms are, that’s why I also feel more strongly whenever someone passes judgment on one
@Chi - I think that being a mom, whatever kind it may be, be it single, adoptive, foster, or the regular kind
makes one a better person. And yeah, practice makes perfect so the next baby after Gavin will have an even better Mommy Chi 
@Connie - Hay, talaga! Yung sister ko nga minsan nagdadrama na baka tumandang dalaga sya sabi ko e ano naman? Gusto daw nya syempre magkaanak sabi ko pa ulit magpabuntis na lang sya… WAHAHA! Ooops, don’t worry matanda na sya and I don’t give advices like that to HS girls! HAHAHA!
@ApplesH - That’s another angle there alright! How can we expect other people to change their views on single moms when the law itself cannot protect them and their children? Nagkaroon na ba ng senator na single woman? Lalong nakakagalit kapag the stigma is passed on to the kids.
@GreyMom -
Hi. Just happened to stumble on this blog and thought of dropping my two cents. I’m now a single mom (once married, now separated) and I guess there is some stigma too. Separated moms get to be accused of being selfish because we did not sacrifice and stay together for the kids. I usually say I’d rather be separated than have my daughter hear fights every single day. And though the people I work with seem understanding, they sometimes think every single issue is rooted on my separation (if I were late or grumpy, they’d think its because of my being separated.) Malay ba nilang mainit lang ang ulo ko dahil ma-traffic? haha… Cheers.
@atleastimgorgeous - I’ve always admired women who are strong enough to end a relationship when they realize that it’s not doing anybody any good anymore. It’s funny that they assume that it’s always about the separation, haha! Don’t they realize that some women DO get over break-ups and DO get on with their lives happy even without men