on being sick and tired of my baby
Posted on December 11, 2007
Okay, I feel guilty just typing the title. Nevertheless, it’s a confession I must make. It’s very difficult to make this post since mommy blogs are usually overflowing with feelings of motherliness and gushes for their babies. Still, I am sitting down right now to write a post on how I became sick and tired of my baby because I believe that I am not alone in this. I’d like to believe that I’m not the only imperfect mother out there. That yes, other mommies like me feels things like these.
Just like any relationship, the whole thing didn’t happen overnight. We were yaya-less two weeks ago and as soon as Ramil leaves for school, it was just me and Mateo. I enjoyed the whole week immensely. I got to spend a lot of time with my baby and I was delighted with how much he was learning from me. I’d like to think that the week did Mateo a lot of good too! Good enough for him to find his confidence and independence to be able to walk at the end of the week. I was one proud mama.
However, being yaya-less means baby duties plus house duties for me. I found myself finishing the laundry at 12 midnight one time, or I’d be doing the dishes from our breakfast only when Ramil gets home. Our meals consisted of easy-cook ones. Despite enjoying the week that I have my baby to myself, I was very, very tired by the end of the week. I’ve sung countless praises the whole week to other stay-at-home-moms who don’t keep a yaya nor a helper.
The following week, Cat, Mateo’s first yaya, came back. I was relieved that somebody can help me with housework and Mateo. I was supposed to go to school the whole week but ended up going for two days only because Mateo was having really bad diarrhea. I spent the rest of the week at home because I wanted to personally take care of my sick baby. Not to mention that he finds comfort with me. Taking care of him last week was really tiring. There were days when we’d have more than ten diaper changes. He’d cry from abdominal pain before each bowel movement and he had no appetite at all. It’s a good thing that aside from those things, he was an active and playful baby. Still, he has lost considerable weight by the end of the week.
So now, after two weeks of almost not having any time away from Mateo, I now have a clingy baby. He loves me more than any other person, much to Ramil’s dismay (hehe!). He even cries whenever he sees me leaving the room. Hence, he is now officially a mama’s boy 
Don’t get me wrong, I am very flattered but he’s starting to feel like an irritating stalker/admirer. There are times when I can’t even go to the bathroom without him wailing at the top of his lungs.
Yesterday, he was very clingy and was really out of sorts. I felt myself resenting it. I felt like he has all of me already, what more does he want? I’ve wanted to stop breastfeeding him since a few months ago but I never felt resentment for continuing to do so. Last night though, I was ready to let him cry it out until he falls asleep. It didn’t help that Ramil would expect me to rush to their rescue whenever he couldn’t handle Mateo anymore.
I found it difficult to sleep last night. I felt like a bad mother. I questioned myself. I felt so sorry for Mateo because he got me for his mama. I woke up today not feeling better at all.
Sometime today though, I got my second wind. I fell in love with my boy all over again. Nothing spectacular happened. It just happened. Maybe it was during one of our bonding times or when he gave me one of his winning smiles. I don’t really know.
All I know is that despite everything, I love being a mother. I know that there will be more down days in the future and I hope Mateo will be as forgiving as he is now. I also know that for each down day, I will fall in love with my boy more times than I can count. I know I will learn and I know I will get better. Bring it on.
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Don’t feel bad, I think it’s natural to feel this way. Actually I just wrote about this .
Nyek nasubmit agad, di pa ako tapos magcomment. Anyway, as I was saying I just wrote about it (http://parenting.pinoymomsnetwork.com/simply-parenting/motherhood-and-its-downside-moments/). Nakakaguilty talaga minsan but we’re humans just like the other, napapagod din. But at the end of the day, andun ang realization, it’s them who bring out the best in us, mothers.
hi, saw ur blog thru mitch’s…don’t worry about it, i sometimes feel that way since i am still bfeeding my boy now @ 17 months. So he is extra clingy with me. He cries whenever i leave, its tough but a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do, right!
ur not a bad mom, i’m sure of it.
Imagine me caring for a cry baby Dustin for 3 months straight. He cried when he’s awake, for 3 hours I will carry him… basta habang naiyak sya buhat ko sya. Gone are those days but believe me Andrea, sometimes I felt na bat ganun? Napagod din ako… sometimes I will let him cry na lang ilang minutes without comforting him pero like you magbabago rin feelings ko. We’re only humans… don’t be too hard on yourself.
ugh…i know how you feel…exactly! as much as i adore my children, they can really get on my nerves. my littlest one, in particular. he has been getting sick, a lot. that means, missing pre-school. which, in turn mean, home with me. which makes for a clingy, crying child, when it’s time to go back to pre-school!
so…no, you are absolutely NOT alone. we can’t be 100% in love with having children 100% of the time! that’s completely unrealistic!
take care!
i think every mum knows what this feels like whether they admit it or not, i know ive felt like this at times. but despite it all, the crying, the screaming, the pinching & biting & scratching its all still worth it, just for one little smile, or one cute little giggle - theres nothing like it in the world!!!
Hi Mitch!True na it’s them who bring out the best in us pa rin. Sobra nabring-out ni Mateo and character ko. Haha!
Hi Vannie! Thanks for visiting my blog. Wow, I really admire breastfeeding moms who can bf their babies for that long. When I successfully breastfed Mateo, I realized that mothers really give more than their milk when they breastfeed. It’s really more like giving more of themselves. Despite how I felt, I still feel a tug everytime Mateo would nurse
Hay, bilib ako sa ‘yo Litzie. I was a constant reader of your blog during those times (until now naman, ahehe) and I really, really admire you.
You’re right, I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. A lot of mothers need to be reminded of that at times
Hi Melissa! Yes,yes! It’s not like I want others to be as miserable as me (LOL) but it feels good knowing that other mommies really feel ‘unmotherly’ at times, that I am not alone. Thanks a lot for sharing
Hello Mel! Well said: there’s nothing like it in the world. I guess that should explain why I would most probably have another baby in the next few years despite this post. When I’ve forgotten all the crappy times and all I’ll remember are those little smiles and cute little giggles
Thanks for visiting!
Dont worry andrea you are not a bad mother. You are just human and I will be with you in admitting that there are times when I get so tired of taking care of the kids, my husband, the house, my work that I have felt the way you do. The admirable thing is that you acknowledge it.
hi andrea! don’t feel bad…don;t feel worthless (ask Ramil and Mateo, they’d surely feel and say otherwise). Being a mommy is definitely tough naman..nakakapagod kasi tao nga din lang.
Tomorrow’s Dec 17!!! It’s our anniv both! Regards to Ramil.
I say amen to all the other comments. I say you should pamper yourself when you get the chance… you deserve it!
Hi Apples! Thanks for the encouraging words. Bilib na ko talaga sa kagaya mo na more than 1 kid pero kayang-kaya pa din
Hi Mai! Pretty soon you’re going to be a mommy too!!! Exciting! I’m sure you’re not discouraged by posts like this. Hehe! At lalong I’m sure you’ll be a great mom too
Happy anniv to you and Paul too! (belated, hehe!)
Hi Aissa! Pinabasa ko na kay Ramil yung comment mo. Haha! We’re planning to spend the coming weekend away from Mateo, we all need and deserve it