I never thought of myself as different. I actually think I can be boringly average. However, this time around odds say that I am 1 in 2500 and its circumstances are exactly the reasons why I try to stay in the average as much as possible.

We went to my follow-up check-up yesterday and it was the first time I was able to personally talk to my ob again after my D&C. When she discussed my condition after the D&C, I was too groggy to even remember that we talked. Finally, I was able to have a good discussion with her. According to her, I had placenta accreta. I thought that there was just a tiny placental tissue that she couldn’t scrape off. I didn’t think that it was placenta accreta. According to wikipedia:

Placenta accreta is a severe obstetric complication involving an abnormally deep attachment of the placenta, through the endometrium and into the myometrium. There are three forms of placenta accreta, distinguishable by the depth of the penetration.

The placenta usually detaches from the uterine wall relatively easily, but women who encounter placenta accreta during childbirth are at great risk of haemorrhage during its removal. This commonly requires surgery to stem the bleeding and fully remove the placenta, and in severe forms can often lead to a hysterectomy or be fatal.

Placenta accreta affects approximately 1 in 2,500 pregnancies.

After seeing the odds, I grudgingly told Ramil that it sucks to be among the 1 in 2500 and what makes it more ‘sucky’ is that the pregnancy was not even successful. I remembered what my ob told me that my case is more manageable because I miscarried at 12 weeks which means that the placenta is also still small. It occurred to me that had I successfully carried to term the pregnancy, there would be a high risk of excessive bleeding which could have two extreme outcomes – hysterectomy or death from blood loss.

I was confused with how I should feel with this knowledge. For weeks now, I’ve been questioning why the miscarriage should happen. The idea that losing our baby is actually a ‘blessing in disguise’ seemed… wrong. I would have risked it if I was given the choice. I now have a possible answer to my question and yet it does not give me the peace of mind I’ve been craving for.

Right now, we’re monitoring my bleeding. It has been two weeks since my D&C and yet I still experience some spotting/bleeding. The duration in which I am ‘blood-free’ has been lengthening and the longest ‘blood-free’ duration I’ve had is almost 24 hours now. So we’re optimistic. We have to be because the alternative is not nice – repeat D&C if spotting persists until the fourth week and if that still does not fix the problem, a hysterectomy.

Since I feel confident that I would go back to my usual regular menstruation, my next concern is trying again. I now have fears of either two things happening again – another miscarriage and/or another placenta accreta. This puts my now-volatile-emotional-state into a higher notch because if there’s anything I became sure of these past few weeks is that I want to have another baby. I am trying to put things in perspective and focus instead on the present. I’ll take whatever God puts on my plate right now or in the next few months.