I am happy to say that I have been successful in my attempt to exclusively breastfeed Anika. Aside from an ounce of formula milk on her fourth night (which I attribute to a moment of weakness because of exhaustion, lack of sleep, and sore nipples), she has had nothing but breast milk. We tried using the bottle with her even with pumped breast milk but even that I decided to give up and to just focus on direct feeding. It’s less hassle anyway.

Unfortunately, it leaves me with very little time away from her and no one can really help me out once she cries for milk. But I’m happy because she’s getting the best milk she could ever get and we’re not spending a cent for it.

I’m in this for the long haul, maybe for as long as I’ve breastfed Mateo which is two and a half years. Hopefully, Anika, my breasts, and my milk ducts are up for it as well.

This seems to be a good investment battle cry. Contrary to what some people might think, gold and silver are still popular investment products especially with their reliable performance in the market. Gold and silver are often available in ingot form or  as coins or bullion. For many years now, many people often preserve their wealth, whether consciously or not, in gold or silver. It is not unheard of for wealthy people to buy expensive jewelries and it serves as one way of investing in gold to preserve one’s wealth. It makes sense simply because the value of gold continuously grows with time. So if you want an investment  product that would never have zero value, go for gold.

I need to focus more on the good stuff…

The two little ones in the picture with me above are my lucky charms. They both try my patience a lot these past few days, hehe! But knowing that these precious years will all be gone too soon helps me appreciate our lives right now.

It’s a crazy life we have right now: no regular income and two kids to take care of. We live with my parents which we’re not really used to and we’re basically freeloaders most of the time. Yes, we have less to worry about like chores, bills,water filter, gas, groceries, etc. and we also have almost unlimited family time. Life is still good and I have these two to remind me of it.

I don’t know if I’m past the baby/post-natal blues stage but I would still often get low moments. Moments where I would feel really sad especially whenever I would miss how our lives were when we were on our own. Yes, I miss having our own house even if we were only renting it. Even if it meant worrying about cleaning the house, cooking our own food, planning our own menu, washing enamel cookware, and doing all the household stuff. Because it means having all the space we want for ourselves and having all the freedom that we want. Sometimes I miss a lot of things desperately it makes me want to shout or to cry. Still, I just keep on reminding myself that there’s a purpose to all of this and I just have to put my faith in God.

Lately, Ramil and I would often find ourselves thinking more of the future despite existing on a day-to-day basis these past few months. I would often find myself looking forward to what the future holds for us if only to remind myself that we left the life we were used to for something better.

Among the thoughts that would often linger in our minds are our desires to have sound investments so that we could start a non-profit school. With all the things we want for the school we want to have, we are going to need investments that would earn well. I’ve thought of investing in gold coins especially since gold coins generally increase over time. Also, this is one investment that we can slowly start with just a little.

I never expected a cesarean delivery with Anika. I had a more or less hassle-free normal delivery with Mateo and I was expecting the same thing this time around, if not easier since it’s going to be my second already. However, Anika had other plans.

I was eager and ready to give birth as early as my 37th week. Mateo decided it was time to come out at 37 weeks and 3 days so I didn’t really have to wait that long. Except for the fact that I wasn’t able to give birth naturally as we had planned, my delivery with Mateo was quick and easy – I broke my water bag at around 2:00 am, contractions started a few minutes after, arrived at St. Luke’s at around 5:30 am, and baby was out at 1:30 pm. My labor was quicker because my ob then induced me because I broke my water bag already and the initial stages of labor wasn’t proceeding as quickly as she wanted. After they injected the oxytocin into my IV, my dilation was quick and by-the-book. Mateo was 6.13 pounds and I had only a bit of trouble in pushing though I needed what they call a fundal push to help me out.

So when I reached my 37th week with Anika, I was already eagerly waiting for her. But the 37th week came and went, along with the 38th, and still no Anika. I was having practice contractions frequently but I knew they were far from the real thing. On the morning of August 4, I woke up and saw blood in my underwear. I knew we were finally almost at the finish line. I texted my doctor and she advised me to go to the hospital for assessment. I was surprised and hesitant. I didn’t want to go to the hospital that early because I planned on having myself admitted only when my contractions are around 5 minutes apart. However, since I was considered high-risk because of my previous miscarriage, she wanted me monitored early on.

So we took our time instead. We waited for Mateo to finish school, we finished packing our bags, we got the laptop briefcase ready, and we even had lunch at Pizza Hut. All the while, I was having contractions that were 8 minutes apart. When we reached the delivery room at Cardinal Santos, I was 2-3 cm upon assessment of the residents. They informed my ob and I was give the orders ‘admit to room’. I wanted to walk around to keep the labor going so I was happy I can stay in my room. So the whole day passed and the contractions just kept coming. I was hungry, tired, and very confused because it was taking longer than I expected. By 11:00 pm, my contractions were 5 minutes apart and my ob instructed the residents to transfer me to the labor room. By this time, all I wanted was to sleep. Surprisingly, despite the excruciating pain of each contraction, I was able to sleep. I was 100% effaced by this time and 6 cm dilated. Still, labor did not progress as quickly as it was supposed to because it was already around 5:00 am when I reached full dilation. I was already on epidural a few hours before 5:00 am so I was given a chance to recuperate my strength.

They wheeled me into the delivery room at around 5:30 am and Ramil was also called in. My ob and the resident assisting her instructed me how to push and we started trying every time there was a contraction. However, an hour passed and at around 7:00 am, while I was pushing, Anika’s heart rate dropped to 70 but quickly got back up to the 110s. My ob was alarmed and was ready to do a cesarean section but I begged her to wait. I told her I still want to try and seeing that Anika’s heart rate is not low anymore, she gave me a chance. She gave me an hour and a half more but we had no progress. Anika simply was not descending past my cervix. My ob just kept seeing the top of her head every time I would push and then it would move back every time I stopped. By 8:30 am, my deadline was up and they prepared me for a cesarean delivery.

They opened me up and my doctor, upon seeing Anika, announced cord coil and it seemed that everyone closed in on me. Her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and her shoulders, she looked like she had a backpack on. No wonder labor was longer and she refused to descend no matter how much I push. Anika was out by 9:00 am and I was at the recovery room by 11:00 am.

It was a trying delivery for me, both physically and emotionally. I know that many mothers had it so much more difficult in some of their deliveries but I never expected what happened. Ramil and I were just grateful that Anika was okay. It seemed that had I pushed harder and we were able to force her out, she might have been strangled by her own cord. I just keep on reminding myself that the CS was necessary for us to keep her safe.

As expected, we’ve been experiencing sleepless nights once again. Although Anika sleeps during the nights and early mornings, it would often be short and light. Hence, Ramil and I do not get any sleep longer than an hour or two. We try to remedy this by sleeping during the day whenever Anika takes her longer naps. We feel like we are first time parents because Anika is nothing like Mateo. Where Mateo maintained a regular two-hour cycle for everything (two-hour sleep, wake up, nurse, sleep again after two hours), Anika does not maintain any kind of schedule. She sleeps for as long as she wants to during the day and nurses for as long as she wants to during the night. I end up with aching breasts full of milk during the day and sore nipples at night

Also, there are often only two ways that she falls asleep: while nursing or on her own. Although sleeping on her own is very rare especially with the very noisy big brother.

We’ve  brought her out several times already and we had to plan ahead once again with regards to parking space, outfits (so that it would be easy to breastfeed her), bags (thank goodness I don’t have to bring any bottles!), and other such arrangements. We went grocery shopping with her last Thursday and she was just exactly two weeks old so I’m pretty sure some people we encountered thought of us as bad parents, hehe! But she was in a sling which was great in covering her up as well. It was a welcome break for all of us. I was able to look at some things for the house, baby clothes, bags, and other stuff though I didn’t buy anything except for what was on our grocery list. Still, it was a semblance of our life before Anika came along and I was reminded that eventually we’ll find our new normal.

Anyway, despite the short fuse I would often have during the night and early mornings, I find myself inevitably falling in love with our second child. I know Ramil and Mateo feels the same way too and I know things would get better as she gets older.

One of the things that Ramil and I were wary about before I give birth is how Mateo will handle the new addition to our small family. This is the reason why we made a lot of extra effort to include him in all the baby talks even when I was still pregnant including buying stuff and choosing clothes even if his choices may look like those from rocawear.

We’re actually very happy and proud of how he has been handling it. So far, we haven’t noticed any sibling rivalry whatsoever. The only problem is he still does not know how to behave around Anika which is pretty understandable since my little man is only just three years old.

So far though, he’s been very eager in helping out. He likes to hold the baby wipes whenever we change Anika’s diapers. He’s also very willing to be my ‘runner’ like I ask him to get stuff, to put back stuff, to call Ramil, to tell Ramil something, and many more. Sometimes he’s so eager to help out even though all he’s doing is making things more difficult and slower, hehe! But all in all, he’s been nothing but a doting kuya to our little baby. In fact, he refers to Anika as ‘my baby’ and seems to feel a bit possessive and protective towards her. This despite the fact that we’ve been paying less attention to him.

If this is any indication of how he’s going to be as a kuya then I bet he’s going to be a great one.

My dad might be coming home anytime soon if he pushes through with his plans. Even though his contract will not expire until November, he has been complaining about the ship and the work. It seems that with this work contract he barely has time to rest and the ship is so old the air conditioning keeps on getting broken. The fact that the ports that they go to are in the Middle East makes the air conditioning problem so much worse.

Because of the above reasons, he wants to come home despite barely saving anything during his almost four months there. So expectedly, he will not be coming home with any amount worthy of a bullion of gold or silver. Nevertheless, if he is unhappy there then he might as well come home.

So aside from feeling like a first-time mom at times, I have been struggling with breastfeeding once again. It seems that I have forgotten how difficult and painful it was. Anika, being a newborn, likes to nurse almost round the clock, leaving almost no time for me to rest or work. Just last night, she was nursing for more than an hour and seemed to find it hard to sleep. But I think we’re doing better than when I started breastfeeding Mateo. For one, Mateo was not exclusively breastfed at the start. With Anika, she was able to taste an ounce of formula the other night when I couldn’t take the pain anymore. A few days ago I also started giving her pumped breastmilk but now I am avoiding giving her the bottle again because it taught her how to gnaw if she wants the milk to come out faster. Hopefully, we get better in the coming days. I look forward to nursing her without wincing or crying out.